


A Patchwork of Parenthetical Predicaments

by spyrograph



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Armpit Kink, BDSM, Breathplay, Drabble Collection, Fluff, Garashir - Freeform, Gunplay, M/M, Marriage Proposal, PWP without Porn, Sickfic, Smut, everything but the kitchen sink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-06-14 01:41:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 2,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15377886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spyrograph/pseuds/spyrograph
Summary: The Collected Garashir Flashfic and Drabbles of Andrew Spyrograph





	1. Epidemiological Improbability

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fluffy sic fic

Julian sneezed three times in a row.

“If I didn’t know any better I’d assume you were pregnant.”

Julian blew his nose and moaned miserably, “Do I look Bajoran? No, don’t answer that, Garak. It was hypotheticah- ah—“ Julian’s sneezes were loud even behind his hands and handkerchief.

“That is really quite disturbing. Are you certain it’s not contagious?”

“There’s absolutely no chance of anyone who’s not human contracting this particular strain of rhinovirus.”

“And what about your human cohorts?”

“They’ve already been exposed.” Julian shrugged deeper into the comforter, only his nose was visible from Garak’s standpoint, “By the time I started manifesting symptoms it was already too late. It’s only a common cold, Garak. Most humans get sick at least once a year. I just need to sleep it off.” 

“How convenient.”

“I’ll be fine— What?”

“Really, my dear doctor, you needn’t have gone to such trouble. If you’d said you were uncomfortable with the subject of the poem I would have gladly discussed something less provocative with you.”

“You think I deliberately exposed myself to a virus simply to avoid discussing a poem?”

“Of course not! If you’d planned this you would have chosen something that would keep me at a suitable distance under threat of contagion.”

“Garak—“

“Now, I have it on good authority that chicken soup is the traditional folk remedy for your ailment—”

“Garak.”

“—though Ms. O’Brien insisted that miso soup was a superior alternative—”

“Garak!”

“Yes?”

“I was actually really disappointed that I had to cancel our lunch.”

“So which is it?”

“Pardon?”

“Chicken or miso?”


	2. Biochemically Compatible

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW, armpit fetish, alien biology

The oppressive heat of the Cardassian summer has made Julian aware of every single sweat gland on his body. Sweat soaks through his shirts. Sweat sticks his clothing to his skin. Sweat drips from his forehead and gets in his eyes and drops from the end of his nose. Sweat collects in every single crevice. The human body is composed of about 65% water, and Julian is constantly reminded of it.

Cardassians don’t sweat. Julian is terribly envious of them.

They do have sebaceous glands that secrete sebum (comprised largely of squalene) which provides a nominal amount of lubrication between scales and protection for the skin beneath. In places where scales are subjected to friction (mainly the hands and feet, the inseam and buttocks, under the arms, and around the cloaca) contain higher concentrations of sebaceous glands and the secretion of sebum is often quite noticeable after strenuous physical activity. It has a particular odor. Julian has become terribly fond of it.

On a whim, he picks one of Garak’s shirts from the laundry hamper- Garak folds his dirty shirts and Julian disturbs the whole stack by selecting the third one down because he likes the texture. Julian presses his nose to one of the heavily-scented areas and inhales.

Julian can’t really compare it to any human body odor. The closest description might be something like ear wax with an earthy musk, and a sweetness that lingered in the back of his throat. It was the pheromones, he knew, that made the scent so enticing. Androstadienone mostly.

Androgen sex hormones are something of a universal constant for humanoids with two or more sexes. Julian isn’t a biologist so he does’t understand how that quirk of evolution had come about- but he is a doctor and he understands that this coincidence makes for a lot of interspecies sexual relationships. As far as most people are concerned, a nose full of androstadienone is as good as an intimate caress, a sedative, and an aphrodisiac all rolled into one. The effect is almost instantaneous and nearly euphoric.

Julian has twenty-two minutes and thirty-four seconds to spare. He sighs and flops across his bed with Garak’s shirt laid over his face. Eyes closed, he imagines a Cardassian hand pulling his cock free and stroking him to firmness.

It feels only a little shameful. He tells himself that he’s not really doing anything more invasive than touching Garak’s dirty clothing. Touching himself while thinking about someone that he wasn’t actively in a relationship with had always felt wrong somehow. So he imagines a generic Cardassian male with broad shoulders and clever fingers and blue eyes. No, not blue eyes. Brown eyes and a smile that makes the Mona Lisa seem flippant.

Julian’s imaginary lover knows just how much Julian appreciates the scent of unwashed scales and presses Julian’s face into the smooth curve of his armpit. Julian’s hand presses Garak’s shirt over his nose and mouth so that every inhale was laced with the scent of him. Julian moans and gasps, the motions of his hand produce soft fleshy sounds.

“Just what are you doing with my shirt?”

“Garak!” Julian rolls onto his side with his back to Garak while he frantically untangles his hands from the shirt and stows his cock, “It’s not what you think- I mean it is what you think but it’s not your business! Don’t you know how to knock?”

“We’ve been sharing these quarters for months and neither of us has stood on such a formality.”

“You weren’t supposed to be back for ten minutes at least.”

“Goodness, have I stumped the infallible augment? Pardon me for being a smidge unpredictable!” 

Julian tosses the shirt haphazardly into the hamper and crosses the room in the direction of the toilet. Garak stands in his way. His blue eyes wide and gleaming, his mouth an enigmatic convex line.

“You still have not answered my question, Julian. Why exactly have you taken to slathering your bodily fluids all over my laundry?”

Julian pushes past him and locks the bathroom door behind.

Julian realizes three things simultaneously. First, that Garak is enjoying this. Second, that Garak knows this is not an isolated event. Third— Garak had used his given name.

Julian opens the door and Garak is right there, lips parted with an expectant smirk.

They only just barely make it to the bed.


	3. Osculation Deconstructed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW, second person POV

“I’m going to kiss you properly,” he says, and the glint in his eyes makes you doubt the universal translator because his mouth says “kiss” but everything about his body language says “fuck”.

His tongue penetrates your mouth with long deliberate thrusts. Your mind is a whorl of lusty imagery replacing lips and tongues with more intimate parts. Your more intimate parts approve.

You could get used to this, you think, as he ravages your mouth with careful attention to detail. He discovers all the little shapes inside you. He sucks the tip of your tongue so tenderly.

Your back arches as you desperately attempt to touch more of his body- but his hands on your solders are firm. You suspect that if you were Cardassian you’d find this even more pleasurable.

You haven’t been kissed like this since you were a teenager. No, you’ve never been kissed like this. Those early kisses were only stilted self-explorations and aborted foreplay. This kiss is a sexual act all of it’s own.

He’s making love to you with his mouth.


	4. Overture Overturned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fluffy romance

“You should marry me.”

His response was the closest thing to a full belly laugh that Julian had ever heard from Garak. “Please, have mercy, doctor! I may die of a heart attack!”

“I’m serious.”

Garak was suddenly, eerily still; as if someone had paused a hologram. Only his eyes moved. They met Julians with unflinching gravity.

“Starfleet officers are allowed to bring their spouses with them on all but the most tactically sensitive missions,” Julian blurted an entire essay’s worth of reasons why they would both benefit from such a binding relationship.

Garak didn’t even blink.

“…and I think that just about covered it.” he finished weakly. “Garak?”

“Do you even know what you’re asking?”

“I’m asking you to marry me.”

“You’re asking me to become a Federation citizen.”

“That’s not—”

“The answer is no.”

Julian’s expression was heartbreaking and beautiful.

“Julian, my dear. Don’t misunderstand me. I love you. I would follow you ‘into the depths of hell’, but I won’t let any government dictate the terms of our relationship.”

“Not even Cardassia?”

“Not even Cardassia.”


	5. Savage Affectation (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW, BDSM, gunplay, roleplay

That crude projectile weapon invaded his mouth. Phallic imagery filled his mind. Garak blanched with fear and flushed with arousal.

Bashir’s right hand jerked at his belt and pulled until buttons popped. The barrel of the gun tapped against Garak’s teeth.

Hot fingers brought Garak’s arousal into the open and stroked with purpose. Garak groaned and gave in to his need. Gasping, he thrust into Bashir’s soft warm palm.

Garak was nearly at his climax when he felt a metallic click on his tongue- it reverberated in his skill. 

“If you come,” Bashir murmured into his ear, “I’ll kill you,” and his hand played some dastardly trick of pleasure that made Garak’s vision go cold and white with lust.

Garak begged- but the object in his mouth reduced his pleas to incoherency. Bashir’s fingers were implacable, inescapable.

Garak screamed with terror and ecstacy as his body betrayed him. The barrel of Bashir’s gun slipped toward the back of his throat and he welcomed death with eager gulps. 

Death did not come.

Bashir wiped the muzzle of the gun over Garak’s cheeks and laid it on the nearby table.

The full-body-ache of post-orgasmic bliss was followed too quickly by the arduous return to reality. It left a metallic taste in his mouth that was almost like disappointment.

Garak’s fingertips burned and tingled from lack of circulation but he couldn’t quite free himself of the restraints that held his arms over his head and his legs spread just a bit farther apart than was comfortable. Garak frowned. It wasn’t like Julian to leave him restrained after they’d finished.

“That was absolutely exhilarating,” Garak sighed, “But, really Julian, what good are threats of violence if you cannot carry through with them?”

“My dear Mister Garak,” Bashir’s smile was breathtaking, “I never said how I was going to kill you.”


	6. Savage Affectation (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW, BDSM, knife play, breath play, roleplay

Garak saw the glitter of steel a moment before cold metal pressed flat against his neck ridges and slid lightly across with a series of almost-musical taps. Garak shivered with pleasure-laced-fear. Bashir could murder him with a single thrust of that blade.

With surgical precision, he made rags of Garak’s clothing. The knife joined the gun on the table. Bashir retrieved a small bottle and smeared lubricant over his erection with messy strokes.

Bashir’s cock slipped into him with the ease of familiarity. Garak, restrained as he was, became a pendulum against which Bashir pounded. Garak, still sated, was content to let Bashir have his way. 

Just as Garak’s lust began to revive, Bashir’s too-warm hands left Garak’s hips and moved over his neck ridges, rested at his throat.

“If you don’t come,” Bashir’s fingers pressed against major arteries, “I’ll kill you,” 

Garak’s ears filled with a dull roar and his cock filled with need. Bashir’s mouth covered Garak’s mouth, blocked his nose and sucked the air from his lungs. 

Bashir’s cock thrust too hard and too deep. Garak’s vision was tinged by darkness flecked with multicolored stars.

The grip on his neck tightened as Bashir came. His muffled groan forced its way into Garak’s throat and he gasped it down desperately. Garak’s lungs ached with the need to breathe and he struggled to come before Julian finished.

Garak’s orgasm ripped through him like acid. Julian, still half-hard, thrust into Garak with a gentleness that prolonged his orgasm and twisted it into agony. The grip on his neck did not slack.

Darkness claimed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (to be continued)


	7. Parting Postponed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fluff

“I have to go,” Julian moaned.

“Stay just a little longer?” Garak followed Julian about the room as he gathered his clothing and dressed. “I’m sure they won’t miss you for another fifteen minutes and they won’t send a search party for an hour at least.” 

“I’m already late, Garak,” Julian half-heartedly tried to escape Garak’s arms. “As it is, I won’t even have time to brush my teeth.”

“Let me brush your teeth,” his tongue darted over his lower lip. “It won’t take more than a minute…”

Julian laughed and Garak took full advantage of his open mouth. 

“Please tell me that sounds less ridiculous in Cardassian.” 

“Everything sounds less ridiculous in Cardassian.”

“I’ll see you for lunch?”

“Of course.”


	8. Erudite Exception

“Lovecraft. Really?”

“Oh, yes. His themes are almost Cardassian! The inscrutable machinations of strange beings— the terror of possessing knowledge which would certainly destroy you— My dear doctor, I am surprised that you didn’t introduce me to this author yourself.”

“H. P. Lovecraft was notoriously racist, even for his time; and his works are treasured by some of Earth’s most intolerant individuals— holdouts who claim that xenophobia is human nature. I hardly thought it appropriate. Honestly, Garak, I’m not sure how I feel about your singing his praises. I’d like to think that you’re having me on. But you’re not, are you.”

“Well, this isn’t the reaction I expected! I finally find a human author whose works have some literary merit and you deride him on the basis of his readership’s political views! If I didn’t know better I’d think you were the one playing devil’s advocate.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> original post: https://rthstewart.dreamwidth.org/142463.html?thread=5985663#cmt5985663


End file.
